The Bastard Sword
by zeldaforever12
Summary: Link Breaks the Master Sword, and has to get it reforjed by a person who insists on calling him vulgar names.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own any of the Legend of Zelda Characters, but I created the Bastard Sword.**

**Rated T for quite a lot of Language.**

**Chapter 1: The Legend Reborn**

**It was a nice warm day on wait, where was this story going to take place? Oh yeah… Outset Island, and Aryll was looking for her brother, Link.**

"**Link! Where the hell are you?" yelled Aryll. "You had better not be up on that tower again. You know how much we don't like it when you spend every single second of you damn life up there… LINK!"**

**Unfortunately for Link, that was exactly where he was, and Aryll was at her time of the month again.**

"**There you are you lazy good for nothing ass wipe! Come to the house and get your birthday clothes. Grandma almost had a heart attack putting in the last stitch so get your ass in there!"**

"**Ugh… Damn it Aryll, why do you always have to be such a bitch? I'm too tired. Get me up in about 15 minutes, please." Said Link as he fell back to sleep.**

"**NO! GET UP NOW!" Aryll picked him up and threw him over the side of the lookout tower, and he landed on his face on the wooden bridge.**

"**Oww! You know what? Fuck you Zeldaforever12! Why do you always make me get hurt?"**

**Narration: This is the first time asshole!**

"**I DON'T CARE!"**

"**Hurry up Link and get to the house." Aryll started tugging heavily on him as they made their way toward the house.**

"**Okay… and when did you become so strong, or do I even want to know?"**

"**Just come on! Grandma! I finally got his ass down here!"**

"**Good Aryll. Link, you need to put these clothes on. As you know, it is your birthday an…"**

"**WHOA! Wait a minute! Zeldaforever12, I never agreed to that!" exclaimed link in utter disgust.**

**Narration: You didn't agree to anything, so hurry up, because the longer you take, the longer you have to deal with me.**

"**Just put on these clothes, and hurry up!" yelled Grandma as she impatiently waited for Link to put on his 'birthday' clothes.**

"**Wow! These clothes look really tight. Are you sure these aren't dangerous?" **

"**JUST PUT THEM ON!" Aryll and Grandma yelled together.**

"**Fine… damn these are some tight ass clothes… should I stay away from Orca?**

"**Probably." Aryll said sarcastically.**

"**Is that all?" asked a very annoyed Link.**

"**I guess. Why don't you go back to that piece of shit hideaway that you call a lookout tower. Aryll probably has something for you for your birthday."**

"**No I Don't. Zeldaforever12, what do you want me to do? Give him my most prized possession? Like that's going to ever happen. We all know that whatever Link touches breaks. I'm surprised that the lookout tower hasn't already collapsed due to his ignorant behavior." Asked Aryll.**

**Narration: actually, I do want you to give him your most 'prized' possession.**

"**What is with the single quotation mark over prized? It's like you don't really think it's all that special."**

**Narration: IT'S A DAMN TELESCOPE WITH SEAGULLS ON IT! I MEAN SERIOUSLY! WHO DOES THAT!**

"**Screw you!" screamed Aryll.**

**Narration: You'd like that wouldn't you.**

"**Eew! You pedophile!"**

**Narration: You said it.**

"**Fine! Link, here. Take my 'good for nothing' telescope."**

**Narration: You damn hypocrite!**

"**What?"**

**Narration: I can't use the quotation marks and you can?**

"**SHUT UP!" screamed Link as he grabbed the telescope.**

"**Look! In the sky!"**

"**It's a bird!"**

"**It's a plan… no, wait, it is a bird."**

"**Stupid bastard!"**

"**Shut up! What is that bird carrying?" asked Link.**

"**I would tell you if I could see, so I am going to guess and say it's a girl named Tetra that is a pirate, or so she thinks, and she is being carried off to the Forsaken Fortress with countless other girls." Explained Aryll.**

**Narration: Damn it Aryll! You keep ruining the plot!**

_**Zeldaforever12 takes out an AK-47 and pumps Aryll full of lead.**_

"**Look! She was dropped in the forbidden woods!"**

**Narration: well, get a sword, and go save her.**

"**wait… Orca is the only one on the island who has a sword, and I am pretty sure that he has been eyeing me at an uncomfortable place… can I use that gun instead?"**

**Narration: NO!**

**Next time on the Bastard Sword, Link will try to obtain a sword from the pedophilistic Orca, while trying not to lose his anal virginity at 12 years old. Then, he will do other stuff that I will not tell you about, because it will ruin the plot, which is why I slaughtered that sluttish Aryll. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: the journey begins**

**As Link slowly moved toward Orca's house, he made sure to keep his wits about him. With his hands blocking any action that the pedo might take against him, Link asks Orca for a sword.**

"**um**


End file.
